Non stop crying

I'm sad. Very very sad, but don't know who to tell. I'm sad is not because I can't attend the MV shooting event today. I'm sad is because of the lack of communication with family especially my parents all this long. I don't understand why after so many tragedies happened, they still don't like to communicate, the only thing they will respond to you when you try to communicate with them is either scold you with high tone (they said that is just high tone, not scolding) or remain silent no matter how many times you talk to them and ask them the same thing. Don't they think communication is very important?? I always try to do that, but in the end I found that I'm talking to the unreasonable monsters, or the four walls.

I feel like an alien in this house. I'm just trying to be same like everybody else outside. But my mum said they are not good, they are the ones who behave like aliens. Now I'm a total alien. I born in an alien family, now trying my best to be the same like others outside, but then stuck in the middle of it, half alien half human, that makes me more like alien to everyone. Even my family also think I'm alien. I have no friends, because they think I'm alien too. Because I'm not the same as them. That's why during my high school, I'm the one who always got bullied and boycotted by others. Nobody likes me. Until now.

I don't know how to stop all these. Sometimes I feel like running away from home. Forever. But I really don't want to do this. Sometimes I even think maybe I'll just marry the somebody who love me very very much so that I can get out of here officially. But I really don't want to. I still want to enjoy my life for few more years. I'm 20 now, but I feel I didn't even have a happy teenage life like any other teenagers had before. So now I'm always looking for fun, I always grab chances to go out. But that doesn't help. I'm still an alien.

I love my family very much actually, I just don't like their attitude. But what can I do?? I guess this will never change forever. I'm born to be in this family, this stupid environment. I can rarely feel their love to me. I need love so much that I always demand it from my boyfriend, until sometimes he can't stand it. I need attention. So I did many stupid things before. But still nobody cares about me. I feel my life is meaningless. Nobody truly understand me. They only keep on putting bad labels on me. Like I'm a kid who will never do anything nice, no matter how hard I tried to do things right,bthey still think that I'm wrong.

I went to see psychologist since I was small. So everybody thinks I'm a psycho. The very first psychologist who provides treatment to me said that I'm fully recovered already. But why this keep on coming back to me. I guess it's not my fault, is the environment that my family provide for me. That's why I'm becoming like this. I hate myself a lot. I hate myself. I hate myself. i hate myself. I hate myself. i hate myself.

Tell me what can i do?? I just want to be a normal happy girl. But why it's so hard.

Michael Jackson The Fallen Star

Poor Michael.

Chandler's late confession will never bring him back to life and start everything all over again.
If it wasn't because of this boy, probably MJ won't end up like this.
He won't addicted to drugs due to stress, and led to his death.

Rest well Michael.
We will always remember the legend that you have left for us.

Polaroid

I love the effect of it.

http://www.poladroid.net/download.html

Things I wanna do this (damn short) holiday

To do list:

1. Go Genting.

2. Go Genting to watch Dreamz (for free !! ).

3. Go Kajang makan satay.

4. Go Malacca 1 day trip.

5. Exercise more often.

6. Defrost my poor camera.

7. (still thinking... )





Things I don't wanna do but have to do:

1. Do thesis B. arghhhhhhhh~~

Earth Hour??

I had no idea what should I do yesterday. So Keith came to fetch me up. Then we met up with his friends in Ikea. After surveyed through all the products (and bought a water scraper), we went to Ah Wai's house for barbecue. That was decided just before we started our window shopping in Ikea, as Keong was so intended to try out his newly bought bbq grill equipment to "celebrate" Earth Hour.

So 5 of us went shopping again in Carrefour, looking for foods for the bbq. In the end we got too much of sausages. And someone forgot to get charcoal. How were we gonna start our fire huh?? So me, Keith & Jeremy went round & round, shop by shop in Sri Petaling just to get charcoal. Feels like 3 of we couldn't wait to commit charking suicide.

Now came the most interesting part. 6 guys were busy starting up the fire, & keep on messing it up. None of you had successfully set up a fire before kah?? Poor & hungry me... sob sob...

Finally...
The fire is set & steady.

But the guys still floundering around with the food. In a few minutes plenty of chicken wings & burgers (not to mention the uncountable amount of burnt & ulcer-ed sausages) were rest in peace. Food wastage !! And all the smokes... Sweat, I thought Earth Hour was meant to save the earth resources, instead of making it worse??

Anyway... That was a nice time for me~~
Although I'm the first & earliest who left there (that happens everytime, as usual)...
And this was also the first time my parents not scolding me for being home late... Yay wee~

Can I go for the Yaki Yaki meal tonight?? ORZ BBQ again...

But it's amazing that most of the houses I saw in Sri Petaling were participating Earth Hour event & closed their lights ^^ (Although with the TVs on... )
This had proved that Malaysia successfully promoted this international event to the world in terms of advertising, WELL DONE !!

it's been a very long time

I finally got out of what had troubled me for so long last year.
Thanks to Keith who is always beside me, supporting me =)
really don't know what more to say, although this guy looks a bit rough, sometimes rude
but he's can be very caring & intimate too at times~~
sometimes Keith will purposely do something just to make me happy, but in the end makes me sad or angry too, but after all, I know he just want me to be happy always =)

It's also been a longtime the cute guy & I getting together =)
It's been a longtime I stopped writing in this blog, & now I'm going to continue it~
when I'm free...